What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
