btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize