We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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