If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO