she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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