We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?