we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
