but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong