Kiss
Puke
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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