when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
