hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
