My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
