i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
