u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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