You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
