yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
