so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we made out on top of his cat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
