i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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