hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
