Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
