shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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