Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
