Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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