I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize