Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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