3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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