I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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