I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
