i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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