I think my vagina is haunted
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
