Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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