Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
