Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
