this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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