So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
