im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
