I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize