WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
