I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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