the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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