there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
BRING THE BAGELS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
