Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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