Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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