My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
