Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I love you.
Bad choice
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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