Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
