The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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