They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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