somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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