Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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