watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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