He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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