I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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