Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
