And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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