my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
