when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
