1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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