That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
