you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
