I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
