Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
