Acid is not a monday night drug
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
