Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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