I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
