I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
