my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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