why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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