shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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