fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
