Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A bitchslap is in order.
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