ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
