ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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