"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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