the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
