I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
