Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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