if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
