Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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