I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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