I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
